Jellybean
by neilcfreak
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke have a plan to prove their non-gayness, which leads to a couple of intresting discussions and jellybeans. If you don't like yaoi please take this as comedy.
1. Chapter 1

This will be the best fanfiction ever. I'm not even kidding.

--

Naruto and Sasuke were training their chakra when suddenly Naruto said something out of the blue.

"I'm tired of this."

"Me too! Ninja's suck! I want to kill Itachi! And what do I have to do to achieve that? Building up all this chakra every single fing time I move!! We have movie theaters! Communicators! Microwaves! So where do I find a fing gun!! I mean come on! It's so much easier than chalkra. You know what you have to do to make it work? Moving your finger. That's it! Move your finger!"

"Well that too, but also the fact that everyone thinks were gay."

"Oh...yeah that's also on my checklist."

"But they think I'm gay more than you! That's not fair! I like Sakura! And you...well...well you don't really like anybody. Plus, you eat ramen slower than me!"

"Well how the heck does that prove I'm gayer than you??"

"I-I don't know!! You think I know these things?? Iruka-sensei allways told me I'm so smart! You really are a dick you know that! H-hey! Since your such a dick why don't you join Shikamaru and Choji

"HUH??"

"Never mind."

"Uhhhh...yeeaaaah, stop while your trying."

...

...after some awkward minutes later...

Sasuke: "Uhh...so...any ideas how to prove our "non-gayness"?"

"Well, first I think we should try to prove to each other that neither of us are gay first."

"Umm...okay? How's that gonna work?"

"Hehe!" Naruto pulled out two jellybeans.

"Hm?"

"All we have to do is put this jellybean on our crotches. While, the other person tries to seduce him to the point where the jellybean moves."

"No."

What?

"No!"

"Oh come-!"

"No."

"Why?"

"Several reasons: It will lower my pride as a Uchiha down to negative 80 by putting chewing gross objects from Naruto's pocket, of all places, on my well mannered dick, proving that I'm not gay to someone in general is idiotic, and it won't and never will kill Itachi."

"Actually, from a distance it could. If you turned out not to be gay. Itachi will hear it throe the grape vine, and learning that you'll never have perverted thoughts about him like he's always had of you. He will then commit suicide by having sex with Kisame trying to imagine it's actually you. After screaming your name for hours Itachi will come to the point of dieing of exhaustion or Fish STDs."

"Hey! That could actually wor--wait. What?"

"You heard me."

"To a point where I needed a strait jacket!"

sigh"Let's just do this okay?"

"I swear to god if you tell anybody I'll drag a kunai all the way up your--"

"OKAY! Jezz..."

"Wait. So who goes first?"

"I guess you, since I at least like a girl."

"Whatever...I just want to get this stupid thing over with."

"Well here. You can have the pink jellybean; it's the same color of your boyfriend's tuong. BURN."

"You done?"

Looks down." Yes sir."

Naruto handed Sasuke the jellybean, which he put right on his lovely pile of loot.

Silence.

"Weren't you going to seduce me?"

"Shut up! I'm thinking..."

"Naruto...even if we do prove to each other, how are we going to prove to the village?"

"Oh for God's sakes I don't know! I'm not god damn Doctor Burnofsky!!"

"Whose he?"

"He knows everything!!"

"I wouldn't like that. Wouldn't that take the mystery out of life?"

sigh Naruto clapped his hands together.

"I got it!"

--

WILL the jellybean work as their proof? WILL we ever find out who Doctor Burnfsky is? WHAT is Naruto planning to do to Sasuke? (Yes, we all want to know don't we?)

But wait! What's this? Somebody new comes in the next chapter I hear?

Who could it be?


	2. Chapter 2

Jellybean part 2:

"Alright." Said, Sasuke. "Whatcha got for me?"

"Oh your gonna love this! Close your eyes!"

Sasuke put his hands to his cheeks, and made a preppy schoolgirl voice. "OMG! Is it a new purse? I've always wanted a Choree!" going back to his normal voice. "Can you at least try to be serious Naruto?"

Naruto somehow ended up on the floor with a video camera in his hand. "Not when what you just did was totally worth recording!"

"You what?!"

"Oh man I'm totally tapping that over one of Pervy Sages porn vids...(what the fuck are we gonna do with all those anyway?)"

"Okay! Okay! Just...do what you want..."

S I L E N C E

Naruto started chuckling, " 'Do what you want'? "

"WHAT? Now what's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, only that it's just... here's an example: *sparkels come out of nowhere* 'do what you want', says Sasuke as he willingly let Naruto kiss down his pale chest the moonlight was just enough for them to look into eachothers eyes--"

"What are you doing?! Aren't you insulting yourself?!"

"Nah. Once you get use to it."

"Use to it? Then what the hell are we doing this for?!"

"Doing what for?"

"Proving our non-gayness?"

"..."

"To eachother?"

"..."

"Itachi's Fish STDs?"

"..."

"My Uchiha pride?--NARUTO! COME ON! I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG ANYMORE THIS JELLYBEAN HAS BEEN ON MY DICK!"

"Oh!! Jellybeans!!"

"Thank god..."

"Okay, don't worry I got it. Wait right here."

Naruto quickly searched all over Konaha for the item of Naruto and Sasuke's Great...uhh...Killing-bordeom-with-random-facts-plan...yeaaaaaah. Finally Naruto found what he was looking for and brought to the place where he left him.

Naruto made a mommy voice, "Oh what good little uke you are! You stayed right where I wanted you to with out me having to whip or put a leash on you."

"This isn't funny Naruto! I think the Jellybean's giving me shrinkage!"

"**Giving** you shrinkage? You mean it's **just** starting to?"

"Yea--I--I mean NO! It's been going on for a long time...REALLY long time."

"Sure, sure, enough chit chat."

Sasuke's brain became confused with limes for lamps as he opened his eyes to see the most horrifing thing any person has ever seen.

...

Naruto was riding a duck.

Naruto swung around an imaginary lasso, "Yee Haa! Now that's an awsome duck--!"

"What are you doing?", said a voice out of nowhere.

Naruto, still on top of the scared for life duck and Sasuke, still on the ground with a jellybean on his dick turned to see a disturbed Neji.

*--insert funeral music for Naruto and Sasuke here--*

Neji looked from the duck, to Naruto, to Sasuke, to the jellybean--

"JELLYBEANS!!!!" squealed Neji. He grabbed the jellybeans from Naruto's pocket.

"How did you know jellybeans are the secret to making me completely OOC :3??"

"Ancient Chinese Secret, my friend...ancient chinese secret..."

END OF PART 2


End file.
